Men have always disliked dressing up for fancy events. Ever since the establishment of patriarchy the first thing men did was remove the need for them to look fancy and dressy and put it on the women to be flashy and well plumaged. Now, technology has finally reached it ultimate goal, to allow man to wear a greasy t-shirt and boxer shorts when going to a fancy dress party, but without anyone minding.
With the advent of remote robotic telepresence, or Rerote, man was finally free of the burden of dressing nicely. Matthew was one of the first to get his own Rerote. As he watched the time tick down until he knew he needed to get ready for the awards ceremony he simply reclined. A satisfied grin spread across his face and he depressed a satisfying red button on a small remote control. Behind him a skeleton of wires, cables, and titanium architecture unfurled itself and came to life. It extended two simple legs, a torso, arms, and a hollow sphere for a head.
“Get my tux, and be me for the night. I’m staying home.” Matt put his feet up as the Rerote quietly whirred and began to get to work. Taking out the tuxedo from the closet and inspecting it. It removed a few errant bits of fluff and laid it out. Without uttering a word it got an iron and flattened out a few tiny creases left from the last classy event. Within a few minutes the wire frame automaton was dressed in the tuxedo and filling it nicely. Only one thing remained, Matt would need to control it. With a sigh he turned off the TV and got into what looked not unlike a spherical treadmill. He could move in any direction inside of it, and the Rerote would emulate it. Vidscreens lit up in all directions around Matt and he had a 360 degree view of what his Rerote was seeing.
He looked down and saw painted onto his own body in light the appearance of his tuxedo overlaying his t-shirt and boxers. The Rerote was now his to control, he and it were basically one in the same. After a short scan of Matt’s body inside of the sphere, a nearly perfect digital display hologram appeared over the robot’s frame. To almost anyone it was a perfect replica of Matt’s features. The Rerote, under Matt’s control, walked to a mirror and inspected himself.
Hitting a little button a green light indicated that the Rerote was in ‘Corrective Mode’. “Cleanshaven please.” The hologram’s 5 o’clock stubble vanished. “Hair trim also.” Again, the holographic presentation of Matt adapted and his hair was nicely trimmed. With a smile the double headed out the door.
He got to the awards and not a person detected the ruse. Rerotes were not in common useage yet, so no one even suspected. Matthew for his part was happily at home standing in the control sphere. He greeted people as they saw him, and smiled to the people he saw across the way but couldn’t remember the names of. There are always plenty of them at fancy dress parties. His expressions in the sphere reproduced exactly by the Rerote walking through the crowds.
“Good to see you!” Matt called out to a taller gentleman with a dark red beard. The two clasped hands and smiled.
“Its been a while, how are you Matt?” the man had no idea it was a robot he was addressing.
“It has, nice beard.” The taller gentleman suddenly looked at Matthew with shock and walked away shaking his head. Not knowing entirely why his whiskered friend was so offended, he didn't want to exacerbate the issue by pressing him, so Matt walked on. A few other colleagues greeted him before he took his seat for the awards.
With the advent of remote robotic telepresence, or Rerote, man was finally free of the burden of dressing nicely. Matthew was one of the first to get his own Rerote. As he watched the time tick down until he knew he needed to get ready for the awards ceremony he simply reclined. A satisfied grin spread across his face and he depressed a satisfying red button on a small remote control. Behind him a skeleton of wires, cables, and titanium architecture unfurled itself and came to life. It extended two simple legs, a torso, arms, and a hollow sphere for a head.
“Get my tux, and be me for the night. I’m staying home.” Matt put his feet up as the Rerote quietly whirred and began to get to work. Taking out the tuxedo from the closet and inspecting it. It removed a few errant bits of fluff and laid it out. Without uttering a word it got an iron and flattened out a few tiny creases left from the last classy event. Within a few minutes the wire frame automaton was dressed in the tuxedo and filling it nicely. Only one thing remained, Matt would need to control it. With a sigh he turned off the TV and got into what looked not unlike a spherical treadmill. He could move in any direction inside of it, and the Rerote would emulate it. Vidscreens lit up in all directions around Matt and he had a 360 degree view of what his Rerote was seeing.
He looked down and saw painted onto his own body in light the appearance of his tuxedo overlaying his t-shirt and boxers. The Rerote was now his to control, he and it were basically one in the same. After a short scan of Matt’s body inside of the sphere, a nearly perfect digital display hologram appeared over the robot’s frame. To almost anyone it was a perfect replica of Matt’s features. The Rerote, under Matt’s control, walked to a mirror and inspected himself.
Hitting a little button a green light indicated that the Rerote was in ‘Corrective Mode’. “Cleanshaven please.” The hologram’s 5 o’clock stubble vanished. “Hair trim also.” Again, the holographic presentation of Matt adapted and his hair was nicely trimmed. With a smile the double headed out the door.
He got to the awards and not a person detected the ruse. Rerotes were not in common useage yet, so no one even suspected. Matthew for his part was happily at home standing in the control sphere. He greeted people as they saw him, and smiled to the people he saw across the way but couldn’t remember the names of. There are always plenty of them at fancy dress parties. His expressions in the sphere reproduced exactly by the Rerote walking through the crowds.
“Good to see you!” Matt called out to a taller gentleman with a dark red beard. The two clasped hands and smiled.
“Its been a while, how are you Matt?” the man had no idea it was a robot he was addressing.
“It has, nice beard.” The taller gentleman suddenly looked at Matthew with shock and walked away shaking his head. Not knowing entirely why his whiskered friend was so offended, he didn't want to exacerbate the issue by pressing him, so Matt walked on. A few other colleagues greeted him before he took his seat for the awards.
When the ceremony began a beautiful shapely woman walked onto the stage and went up to the mic. Jokingly he elbowed the guy beside him. "If I had a body like that I'd host award shows too." He laughed a bit, as did the gentleman beside him. Until he looked in Matt's direction. In an awkward moment he just smiled and looked forward again, avoiding eye contact with Matt.
Dejected, Matt settled in his seat, and muttered to himself. "Its like I have a third eye in the middle of my forehead or something." He noticed a few people staring at him, but as soon as he glanced in their direction they pretended not to be looking abruptly. He was starting to get a bit paranoid when he heard his name over the speaker system. He had won!
Beaming with a wide grin he stood up and all eyes fell on him. The applause started thunderous, but became slightly tepid as he stood up. Music played and he walked onto the stage to accept his award and clutching it he spoke into the microphone.
"Thank you, this means a lot to me. For years I have been green with envy when I watch other people walk onto this stage." The crowd was silently watching him. "And I couldn't be more excited to be standing here today. I've never stood so tall." Eyes went slightly wide in the audience, they must be really interested Matt thought. "I can't really explain how thrilled I am, my heart is beating out of my chest." Suddenly the crowd erupted into gasps and at least a few people began screaming. Matt was perplexed. He looked around and his eyes fell onto a big display screen that showed him standing at the podium in his tux. He had a full beard, a shapely curve to his unusually tall body, a third eye right in the middle of his head... and with each beat of his heart the bloody organ was literally bursting out the front of his tux before shlurping back inside.
Back inside of his sphere, wearing boxers and a t-shirt he looked down. A little green light informed him that he had left the Rerote in 'Corrective Mode'. He looked up and saw the crowd of people hysterical. Maybe he should have just gone to the awards show himself after all.
No comments:
Post a Comment