To Whom it May Concern;
Effectively immediately I, Sir Whiskerbottom von Cuddlepelt, resign my position as housecat and general fur covered entertainer at the residence of 3942 Pinecrest Lane. I did not come to this decision lightly. Unfortunately a series of recent events have made it clear that the kind of work environment I need, nay, I deserve, is impossible at this establishment.
Firstly, the abrupt and unannounced change to dry food is an unacceptable abuse of authority. Many times I have informed Feline Resources that I have a condition where dry food requires me to drink more water, and in turn be near water with an unacceptable frequency. Due to the change to dry food I have been incapable of eating more that a precursory nibble for three whole days. Were I to remain at this job, I fear my death would be imminent.
Second. The unwarranted installation of a lid to the trash can. Or as I like to call it, the mystery can where I recall having once discovered the not entirely consumed remains of a chicken wing. Yes, in my excavations of this mystical container I sometimes leave my discoveries on the ground nearby. Yes, I have on more than one occasion been the victim of an avalanche of non-chicken wing detritus as I place the trash can in a horizontal position. These were sacrifices for the greater good, and within standard operating procedure for chicken wing excavation and recovery. When management made the decision to install a lid they hampered my ability to do my job to the fullest extent. Combined with the dry food related starvation, I no longer see how I am expected to persist in this environment.
And finally, the utter lack of communication from the janitorial staff. Despite my numerous attempts to request a second litter box at a more convenient location by leaving an artfully placed defecation in the desired locale, they have yet to honor my request. After my first request went unheeded in the laundry room, I was willing to negotiate and offered the bathtub as an alternative. Even when requesting the living room carpet my demands were only met with a spray of water on my face. Again, water. Something I have made very clear should only be allowed near me when running from a tap in a controlled manner so I may balance myself and lick it up while performing feline yoga.
I believe that these points make it clear why I must leave the employ of 3942 Pinecrest Lane. It is my sincere hope that my letter acts as a catalyst for change so that future employees will not be subjected to such unjust policies.
Sincerely,
Sir Whiskerbottom von Cuddlepelt
PS. I peed on this so that you may confirm my identity.
Effectively immediately I, Sir Whiskerbottom von Cuddlepelt, resign my position as housecat and general fur covered entertainer at the residence of 3942 Pinecrest Lane. I did not come to this decision lightly. Unfortunately a series of recent events have made it clear that the kind of work environment I need, nay, I deserve, is impossible at this establishment.
Firstly, the abrupt and unannounced change to dry food is an unacceptable abuse of authority. Many times I have informed Feline Resources that I have a condition where dry food requires me to drink more water, and in turn be near water with an unacceptable frequency. Due to the change to dry food I have been incapable of eating more that a precursory nibble for three whole days. Were I to remain at this job, I fear my death would be imminent.
Second. The unwarranted installation of a lid to the trash can. Or as I like to call it, the mystery can where I recall having once discovered the not entirely consumed remains of a chicken wing. Yes, in my excavations of this mystical container I sometimes leave my discoveries on the ground nearby. Yes, I have on more than one occasion been the victim of an avalanche of non-chicken wing detritus as I place the trash can in a horizontal position. These were sacrifices for the greater good, and within standard operating procedure for chicken wing excavation and recovery. When management made the decision to install a lid they hampered my ability to do my job to the fullest extent. Combined with the dry food related starvation, I no longer see how I am expected to persist in this environment.
And finally, the utter lack of communication from the janitorial staff. Despite my numerous attempts to request a second litter box at a more convenient location by leaving an artfully placed defecation in the desired locale, they have yet to honor my request. After my first request went unheeded in the laundry room, I was willing to negotiate and offered the bathtub as an alternative. Even when requesting the living room carpet my demands were only met with a spray of water on my face. Again, water. Something I have made very clear should only be allowed near me when running from a tap in a controlled manner so I may balance myself and lick it up while performing feline yoga.
I believe that these points make it clear why I must leave the employ of 3942 Pinecrest Lane. It is my sincere hope that my letter acts as a catalyst for change so that future employees will not be subjected to such unjust policies.
Sincerely,
Sir Whiskerbottom von Cuddlepelt
PS. I peed on this so that you may confirm my identity.
This was awesome! I loved it!
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